Ways to deal with anger in a relationship

Finding ways to deal with anger in a relationship that will help the partnership become more balanced and healthy.

It’s normal to get angry, irritated, or frustrated, especially with those you love most. It’s okay to have these emotions, but part of being an adult is learning how to manage negative feelings constructively. 

And learning to deal with anger is one of the best things you can do for your relationship.

Here are 4 expert ways to deal with anger with your partner.

Ways to deal with anger Tip # 1  Don’t clam up
Clamming up is one of the worst things you can do when you’re angry. Whatever else you do, please don’t give your partner the silent treatment. It is destructive and punitive. Your partner will feel hurt and rejected, and it will take a lot more work to try and resolve whatever the problem is.

If you’re the one getting the silent treatment, try not to react or get too anxious. The more you push, or question, the more your partner will retreat. Let them know you’re there for them and waiting to talk when they’re ready. Then give them space.

Ways to deal with anger Tip # 2 Stay with your own feelings
When you’re in an angry situation, try to keep your focus on managing your own feelings, not your partner’s. You can’t control other people’s emotions, but you can try to stay as calm as possible and not react to whatever they are saying or doing.

Take a few deep breaths and think before you act. Hold your tongue. Don’t send that text. Stay in the present and don’t dredge up past hurts or mistakes. If the words ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ rise up in your throat, don’t say them! They are likely to only inflame things further.

Ways to deal with anger Tip # 3 Don’t triangulate
If you’re mad with your partner, it can be tempting to complain about them to a third person, creating what psychologists called triangulation. Such an emotional triangle is destructive of relationships and can stop you trying to resolve the original problem as you get stuck in a good guy/bad guy story.

Unless you’re asking for help or are in an unsafe relationship, it’s never a good idea to talk badly of your partner behind their back.

Ways to deal with anger Tip #  4 Look at the bigger picture
It is easy to react to small things and get mad at your partner for forgetting to take the trash or not feeding the dog. Before you react, bite your tongue, count to ten, and work out of it’s worth making a fuss over. Maybe you could turn it into a joke and give them a subtle reminder.

Or just ask nicely, with no sarcasm or passive aggression. Unless you know otherwise, assume it’s an oversight or a mistake not being deliberately lazy or even out to get you

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  • National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255


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