How To Not Be Desperate and Stand In Your Power Instead

“You're desperate, and so am I,' I said. 'Desperate people make stupid decisions all the time.'"--Veronica Roth

Learning how to not be desperate is a life skill that will serve you well.

Desperation is an emotion that can derail even the best efforts to achieve your goals. It often comes cloaked in a disguise of hunger for success, but the motives behind it can be detrimental.  

When you begin an endeavor, you’ll notice that it’s not just the tasks you do that ultimately decide your fate, but the mindset that fuels it. Being driven to succeed is a wonderful trait to possess, but there’s a difference between being driven and being desperate.

What Are The Signs You May Be Being Desperate?

When the word desperate is used in regards to a career, relationship, or entrepreneur, it means someone who is at the end of their rope, in panic mode, worried and … desperate. You have to get out of this mode and learn how to not be desperate.

If you don't you become overwhelmed and it will cause massive problems when you approach anything in a state of desperation, whether it’s your business, relationships, health or anything else.

So you need to know how you can put the brakes on your frantic state of mind and calmly and coolly figure out a plan for how to not be desperate when it comes to achieving your goals. Be proactive.

It’s far better to avoid desperation all together, because once the panic sets in, you'll have to slow down and find your footing. When you do, though, you will find relief--but why not avoid it all together?

Desperation permeates our society. We’ve all had bouts of it from time to time, and that’s not a problem. The problem arises when it becomes like quicksand and you can’t escape the feeling.

Nothing feels worse than desperation when you’re trying to succeed at something. You feel as if there’s no other choice – that if what you’re doing doesn’t work, the worst will happen.

When it hits, its impact can feel like you’re in a movie like Hunger Games – survival mode. What iffing yourself to death. Everything’s a worst case scenario and you can’t see clearly to make the best decisions.

“You can't make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.”--Michelle Obama

This feeling usually stems from a feeling of lack. You think you need a person, money, a job--anything that you desire so badly that you will do anything to have it. When it comes to finances, it might be an urgent need, like a medical bill, mortgage payment or unexpected car repair.

But it might be that you’re just in debt and it’s growing into an uncontrollable monster with interest and penalties. For some, it’s a simple case of their retirement or social security not being enough to make ends meet, so they need supplementation in terms of income.

When it comes to relationships, you may feel like the clock is ticking and you NEED a partner and you're lost without one. But it is most likely that you need to spend some time with yourself-loving yourself, creating a self-care routine, and treating yourself well in preparation for the relationship you desire.

There’s great humiliation and embarrassment that comes with being in a state of desperation. You become so stressed that you need to recover a sense of stability.

The Danger of Being Desperate in Business, Career, and Success

When you’re desperate is when you’re likely to make stupid or unethical mistakes that can haunt you – in both your personal and professional life. With business, it can take a toll that you never recover from if you’re not careful.

Think about the scenarios that can happen. When you’re desperate for every penny that comes in, you don’t thoroughly think through the decisions you’re about to make – you only see dollar signs and profit potential.

But you have to be careful to consider everything in transactions and tasks that you embark on in this business. If you don’t consider the opposite of what you want to have happen, then you might get blindsided.

You can get preyed upon by unscrupulous joint venture partners. There are some in this industry who can smell a desperate newbie from a mile away. Like a shark, they circle around and lure you into their turf so they can devour you financially.

Some will make you do all the work, then not pay you what you earned. Others will brainstorm with you (with you providing most of the ideas), then quit on the JV partnership, take your idea and run with it.

You were openly sharing because you admired or envied that person, seeing their success, and you wanted some of that for yourself. But even the top gurus in this business can suffer from a lack of ethics, so you have to be careful.

You can also get ripped off by service providers. Some will say they’re going to charge you one price, but end up jacking up the cost of a service at the last minute – maybe shortly before your launch.

They’re basically holding your deliverables hostage, knowing you’re desperate enough to pay it so that you can launch without a hitch. You want to ensure you have plenty of time, word of mouth recommendations, and confidence in the provider so you’re not putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

You can scammed by vendors selling courses, tools and coaching. People will tell you to read the fine print, and that’s a great idea. But even fine print can’t protect you in some cases. 

“It is often said that a wrong decision taken at the right time is better than a right decision taken at the wrong time.”-- Pearl Zhu, Decision Master

Desperation will make you buy things you don’t need. It will make you listen to the phony urgency warnings and make you believe that if you don’t get that product or tool now, you’ll never succeed.

There are business coaches who will lure you in with a promise for a small investment, then when you have let your guard down, they’ll talk you into mortgaging your home, taking out a big loan, or charging up your credit cards to afford their coaching.

Don’t let this happen to you. You have to shop smart and avoid being desperate when you’re learning this business. There are players in this game eager to capitalize on your desperation.

The Other Form of Desperation That Impairs You

Not everyone is desperate because of immediate financial needs. Some are desperate for purpose. They want to leave a legacy. Some are aging, so the desperation is time based- the ticking clock.

Having a purpose in life is imperative to many individuals – especially if they spent most of their lives immersed in something that didn’t fulfill them personally, or that didn’t provide enough stimulation to keep them satisfied.

There are many forms of desperation that aren’t directly tied to immediate money needs. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of desire. You want to work for yourself and avoid going back to a corporate gig.

If you can’t stand working for others, like an irritating boss or coworkers who burden you with some of their unfinished work, then it might light a fire in you to be able to quit that job and work for yourself permanently.

It may be that your family doesn’t believe you can do it, so you want to show them that you have what it takes. It has nothing to do with cash needs, but it’s still something that can make you work in a state of desperation.

When you start to notice you feel panicked when working, or working with a sense of urgency, slow down and make a note of what it is you’re feeling. You want to know what’s driving you in this moment.

What should be driving you is a desire to achieve your goals, or a desire to help others find the solutions they need, which you can provide either as a vendor or as an affiliate marketer.

If it’s something else, like avoiding criticism, paying a bill before something gets cut off, or something else that reeks of desperation, make sure you don’t allow that to infest your decision-making abilities.

Being desperate brings out the worst in people, not the best, You’d think it would drive people to make good decisions that further their success, but it often does the complete opposite.

Avoiding Learned Helplessness. How to Not Be Desperate Through Personal Responsibility

There’s such a thing as learned helplessness, and this is often seem as a trait in people who come into this business in a state of desperation. With learned helplessness, you’re often rewarded for your victim hood.

You have a sob story that showcases your lot in life – everything that went wrong – and others feel sorry for you, so they step up to try to lend a helping hand. This desperation never allows you to fully grow and succeed.

Instead, the need to be rescued will be at the forefront of your journey, and that allows others to steer you in whatever direction they want you to be in. They don’t know what’s best for you, but it allows you to not be desperate and avoid taking personal responsibility for your efforts.

This way, if you fail, it isn’t your fault, but the fault of someone else who guided you all wrong. This is a crutch that doesn’t help you in any way. You need to take full responsibility for every action step you take in this journey – for every decision made – good or bad.

When you act in a state of desperation, one of the most common things you might do is avoid following through on projects. You abandon them because you see a shiny new object that promises greater riches, faster than ever before.

None of it is true, of course, but you believe it because it’s easier than doing the work and pushing past obstacles. Remember, you’ll never see the money you want unless you finish what you started.

Every time you abandon a project and use some lame excuse like distraction or boredom, you are causing your own desperation. Get angry at yourself! If you truly are desperate enough, then you’ll be smart enough to plan and change your old habits.

If you’re unwilling to do that, then you deserve the panic that you feel. You’re torturing yourself on purpose because you now know the correct way to handle this situation. It’s not to quit on projects and continue buying in to someone else’s ideas.

Learned helplessness is a plague in the online marketing industry. You see it a lot on social networking sites, and the worst part about it is the flood of supportive comments, fortifying that desperate person’s actions because they feel like they should be nice about it.

The truth is, behind the scenes, true go getters are discussing how those people are always complaining and moaning about their lack of success, when everyone has witnessed their lack of commitment time and time again.

Publicly, they may support you to be kind. But privately, they show no sympathy and you need to understand that no matter how many comments you get understanding why you quit something, those people aren’t going to pay your bills. 

Create an Action Plan to Avoid Desperation

So what can you do if you recognize yourself as the kind of person who works from a place of desperation? The first step is to admit whether or not the truth of the situation is that you should go find a consistent paycheck offline.

Sometimes, such as when you’re about to lose your home, can’t put food on the table, or have had your electricity turned off, you have to put down the dream of online marketing, which takes time to build, and go find a job.

Once the immediate needs are met, then you can return to the table to work on your online career. Start by writing down the root of your desperation. Is it time? Money? Emotions?

Be as specific as possible, because you can’t calm the situation down if you can’t identify exactly what needs to be done to alleviate your feeling of urgency. If it’s money, how much, and have you cut expenses for things you don’t need, like eating out or paying for cable TV?

Create a plan with major milestones that would help you achieve your goal of not feeling desperate and then fill in the plan with action steps. For example, let’s say you’re desperate for emotional reasons, like needing to feel like you’re giving back with your career.

You want to use your unique gifts and talents to help people and feel like your life has purpose. Do you need others to say you changed their lives or is your own opinion enough? How many people do you need to help to feel proud of yourself – one? One thousand?

Milestones might include creating something for sale or for free for the people in your niche. You might give away a free coaching call or eBook to those struggling. You might create a paid course that could help so many people.

Participate in forums to answer questions. Find the best solutions for certain pain points in your niche and help consumers find them with beneficial blog posts, a podcast or videos.

Open up a coaching program to work one-on-one with them. Then write down what steps are needed to open that coaching program – a soup to nuts strategy you can implement.

Without a plan of how not to be desperate these feelings of desperation, you’ll continue struggling and feeling the anxiety that comes with it, rather than feeling content with what you’re doing in life and with your career.


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