How To Calm Anger 4 Strategies To Help You Calm Down and Regain Control

How to Calm Your Anger Triggers

Here are 4 ways you can learn how to calm anger.

Everyone has their own little quirks. Things that make them irritated, frustrating, or downright angry. You could probably list your own triggers right now—little stuff like clutter or having to wait around. Maybe you can’t stand a particular word or phrase, or you find it impossible to work if there’s noise.

The thing about triggers is that they’re often small things that tip you over the edge, and before you know it, you’ve lost your temper over something that in the scheme of things, doesn’t really matter.

Here are four steps you can take to calm your anger triggers better.

How to calm anger triggers   #1. Take control
The first thing is to realize that you are totally in control of how you react. Work out what your triggers are, and you can take your power back. You can anticipate and plan for situations where you know you’re likely to blow your top.

How to calm anger triggers #2. Learn to read your body
Be conscious of how your anger manifests in your body. Likely your heart rate will go up, or your hands and jaw will clench. You might feel breathless or even get a stomachache.

Tune into what your body is telling you, and you’ll learn to be able to stop the process of reacting. And remember the feelings themselves aren’t ‘bad’ but how you choose to respond to those feelings can be harmful, even destructive.
Instead of sweeping the papers off your desk onto the floor, or yelling, take a deep breath or go for a walk.

Feeling triggered is often a result of low blood sugar, fatigue, or dehydration. Taking care of your physical needs can help you manage your emotional needs as well and make you more resilient to stresses and triggers.

How to calm anger triggers #3. Identify what triggered you
Once you can interrupt the trigger response, you can start to work out what it was that set it off in the first place. Did you feel disrespected? Unheard? Were you mistreated or misunderstood?

If someone pushed in front of you in the coffee line, what did that signal to you? That your needs aren’t important?

What about if someone talks over you or interrupts in a meeting? As well as being rude, you could feel sidelined, humiliated even.

How to calm anger triggers #4. Choose your plan of action
Whatever your triggers might be, it’s totally up to you how you react. You can anticipate how you might feel and what you might do or say in response. Take a deep breath, detach from the situation, and focus on how you want to feel. You can choose to stay calm in triggering situations – it’s up to you.

The 4 Types of Anger and How to Calm Each

You might not realize it, but there are different types of anger. The stereotype of an angry person is someone blowing their top, maybe out of control, even violent. But it’s essential to be able to identify what type of anger you’re dealing with and how to manage it. Experts have identified the most common types of anger. See how many you recognize.

1.    The volcano
This is most easily recognized anger. It’s volcanic and explodes over everywhere. Irritation and frustration build up until there’s one thing that tips you over the edge. It’s scary, hurtful, and potentially damaging as this type of anger can lead you to say things in the moment that you regret later.

How to calm anger that is volcanic: Count to ten, allow the moment of fury to pass, and you’re likely to react at a much lower level. Don’t be afraid to say (not shout) how you feel. It’s okay to say “I’m feeling really upset about…”

2.    Self-blame
Particularly if you’re a woman, you may have been ‘trained’ to hold your anger in and take the blame upon yourself. The bad news is that this is a very damaging and corrosive behavior and erodes your self-esteem fast. You set yourself up for powerlessness and even depression.

How to calm your anger caused by self-blame: When you catch yourself sliding into self-blame, turn it around and question that assumption. Who said it was your fault? It probably doesn’t need to be anyone’s fault at all. Bolster your self-esteem and get help if you need to.

3.    Denial
People can usually pick up when you’re angry so saying you’re fine isn’t going to cut it. This is another type common among women who are not encouraged to express negative emotions like anger. Instead, you bury the negative feelings, and they fester and come out in other ways.

How to calm anger rooted in denial: Forget being nice. Learn to identify when you’re angry and safe ways for you to express it. You are allowed to say something is not okay.

4.    Sarcasm
Sarcasm and its close relation, passive aggression, are really toxic and another way of avoiding owning and communicating your true feelings. Sarcastic remarks and gaslighting are destructive to relationships and can entrench a bitter, cynical world view in your soul.

How to calm anger of a sarcastic nature: Give yourself permission to be openly angry, be honest, and straightforward about how you feel. You don’t need to cloak your feelings in clever digs or superior cutting remarks. Turn that aggression into calm assertiveness and take control of your anger to get what you need.

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  • National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255


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