Healing From An Abusive Relationship That Brought You To Your Knees Is Worth The Effort.

Most people find healing from an abusive relationship extremely difficult. It can be hard for some to move on from past hurts and enjoy the present because of failing to let go of the bad things that happened to them.

Especially when the circumstances are traumatic.

You may have suffered wrong from the people you trusted. You may have been accused of something that you didn’t do.

You may have gone through a painful loss or you may have wronged someone you shouldn’t have and are now living with regret. Moving on or finding peace in your life can be difficult if you constantly reflect on all the bad things you did in the past or the injustices that you encountered.

However, understand that the only way of finding peace or joy in your life is by letting go of past hurts, regrets, and pain. You will benefit a lot from leaving the past behind you, living in the present, and working toward the future you desire.

Letting go of the past is important because it helps you to live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. Failing to leave the past behind and allowing it to control you steals your joy and prevents you from seeing the good things in your life.

“There is no way I can heal from this abusive relationship ” “I didn’t deserve that” or “I will never move on from it” are phrases that keep you from healing from an abusive relationship. You need to realize that the only way of healing from painful occurrences is by changing your thought-patterns and minding your words.

“I am not defined by what happened to me” “I am not defined by what I did in the past” “I can heal” “I can move on” and “I am stronger than that”

These are powerful affirmations that will aid you in letting go of the past.

“No one heals himself by wounding another.”- St. Ambrose

Letting go of the past is the key to healing.

The only way of truly moving on and healing is by letting go of the injustices that you encountered. True, you didn’t deserve to be treated the way you were but understand that focusing on all the many reasons why things shouldn’t have happened the way they did only prevents you from healing from an abusive relationship. Begin searching for ways of not only letting go of the past but forgetting about it altogether.

Recognize that you have a lot to benefit from shifting your attention to the present and doing things that make you happy.

There is so much that can happen to you once you choose to let go of the past and stop it from interfering with your present or future. You will be happier, healthier and your life will start going in the direction that you desire it to.

Letting go of the past is the key to healing because instead of concentrating on the negative you focus on the positive. You spend more time thinking about what you want to achieve in life and less on the wrong things you suffered. This enables you to accelerate the process of healing from an abusive relationship and helps you to realize that being happy again is possible, you still have so much to live for, and you are not defined by what happened in the past.

Accepting that you cannot change the past will help you to heal.
One thing that makes it nearly impossible to heal from the past is constantly reliving it by wishing you could have prevented bad things from happening. Do you often find yourself obsessively and negatively over thinking, “Maybe if I was more outgoing, he wouldn’t have cheated” “Maybe if I had made that compromise, I would still have my job” and “Maybe I wouldn’t have gone through that if I was more alert?”

If so, understand that nothing good ever comes out of living in regret, trying to prevent what has already occurred, or trying to change the past.

The only thing you accomplish by trying to change the past and constantly reflecting on it is delayed progress, a mountain of regrets, depression, and gloom.

Ensure the past doesn’t steal your joy, interfere with your work, harm your relationships, or put a strain on your overall well being by refusing to dwell on it. Accept that you cannot change the past and begin  healing from that toxic abusive relationship.

Adopt an “I will never be controlled by the past” attitude and fight for your right to achieve personal satisfaction and fulfillment in the future. When you realize that the only thing standing between you and your dreams is holding on to the past you will desire to heal. When you desire to heal, you will let go of the past, focus on what you desire to achieve, and heal from an abusive relationship faster.

Accelerate the healing you desire by letting go of the past, forgiving the unforgivable, and replacing negative thought patterns and words with “I have a great future to look forward to” “I need to work on my goals” and “The only thing that matters right now is where I am going.”

healing from an abusive relationship takes time so be patient with yourself. When you feel you cannot fight, appreciate that you have come this far and realize that you still have a little fight left in you. You can overcome it. You will heal.

“Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you” -Rupi Kaur

Forgiving yourself as part of healing from an abusive relationship

#1 Accept your role in messing up. 

Many people become defensive when confronted with the mistakes in their past. This happens because people are never ready to deal with the guilt that comes. It is that guilty conscience that makes you want to justify yourself. The best shot you have at healing from an abusive relationship is learning to forgive yourself is to acknowledge your mistakes. You are human. You will probably make plenty more mistakes in your lifetime. Accept that reality and take responsibility when you mess up.

#2 Remove the negativity around the mistake.

Mistakes are common!  We are often our worst critics. One mistake and the mind could turn into a field of negativity and self-recrimination. The guilt that results turns into shame, which leaves you feeling worthless.

You should not crucify yourself over a genuine mistake. Remove the idea that you are a bad person or that you deserve punishment. Shut out the replay of that time in your past where you let yourself or others down. Stewing in that memory will only distance you from peace and happiness.

Your mistakes do not define you. Neither should they bury you in shame and guilt.
Find positive ways to deal with the fact that you made an error in judgment and move on.‘You cannot heal in a punitive environment.’ Dr. Ellen Hendriksen.

#3 Learn from your mistakes.

For every hard season you go through, there is a lesson you can draw and carry into your future. Consider the mistake in a positive light. What lessons can you learn from your behavior or your actions? Draw those lessons for the future. You can use them in healing from an abusive relationship and to avoid repeating the same mistakes.

#4 Make amends.

Some mistakes will affect your relationship with your boss, your family, or your friends. You may have hurt others in the process. If you are to forgive yourself completely, you will need to acknowledge responsibility and apologize to the people you hurt.
Self-justification should not accompany a genuine apology. Make it genuine by acknowledging the fact that your mistake may have hurt people.

When you do this, you free yourself of any overwhelming guilt and can continue on the path of forgiving yourself.

#5 Do not revisit the mistake.

Rehashing the event will change nothing. Instead, it will keep you feeling guilty even after you have made amends. When your mind drifts to that point in your past, draw yourself back to the present. Remind yourself that any mistake is in the past where it belongs and that you have moved on from it.

 “Forgive yourself first. Release the need to replay a negative situation repeatedly in your mind. Don’t become a hostage to your past by always reviewing and reliving your mistakes. Don’t remind yourself of what should have, could have, or would have been. Release it and let it go. Move on.”- Les Brown.

Healing from an abusive relationship and forgiving yourself for your role in participating is easier said than done.

It takes a lot of compassion and love for yourself for you to let go of mistakes from your past. Be kind to yourself by remembering that you are just human. You deserve forgiveness just like everyone else.

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  • National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255


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