Heartfelt, Encouraging Words for a Single Woman

* Encouraging words for a single woman from the Amazon kindle ebook, Woman Unleash Your Power...

The woman in the mirror is not the enemy. Your negative self-talk is. Don’t be so hard on yourself my dear woman of God. Your fleshly temple is just a physical container. The real culprit is your wounded soul.

A soul that has been to hell and back. A soul that is hurting and needs to be healed. And only God can heal a woman’s soul.

Our soul consists of the mind, will, imagination, emotions, and intellect. All of which at any given time are being attacked by the enemy.

He is on the prowl looking for someone to destroy. And he shows no mercy when it comes to attacking the souls of sisters.

That’s why we are told in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

Make no mistake you are under attack. And the attack is deliberate.He wants you to be depressed, angry, afraid, and doubtful.

And he will do whatever it takes to accomplish his hellish mission.

You see the enemy doesn’t want you to become the woman that God has created you to become, the woman who is created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27).

The woman, who before you were formed, God knew and set apart (Jeremiah 1:5). You are special and unique and you have a purpose.

And with that purpose comes power. But the enemy wants to keep you locked away in a prison of negativity.

So that you become ineffective in your homes, your careers, and in the lives of the people you touch.

The enemy knows if he can get you to spend the rest of your days focused on dress sizes and social status, then its game over. He has won.

Because you will be too consumed with “nothing” to make sure that your children are trained in the way they should go; be a supportive wife; minister to the hurting, or pray for the sick.

And instead of spreading the Gospel, you will be spreading carnality like an infectious disease to all you come in contact with.

But you are a stronger woman than that. In your Spirit you know something needs to change and you’re ready to make a shift.

That nudge in your Spirit is telling you that you need to change in order to make a positive impact in the lives of the people you love and the Kingdom of God. 

God wants to help you. He wants to mend your soul. The potter wants to put you back together again.

And if you are ever to be delivered from negative self-talk, you will need God’s help to move past pain; control negative emotions; tame your wild tongue; and push past distractions.


Why Do We Need To Renew Our Minds?

If you truly want to be delivered from negative self-talk there are some things you need do:

Renew Your Thinking

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

Because the self-talk process begins with your thoughts, it’s important that you are mindful of what’s on your mind at all times.

We wear a lot of hats ladies and on any given day we may be faced with challenges in multiple areas causing high levels of stress and anxiety. 

And because we tend to feel better when we vent, we often are not as careful with our words as we should be. Here are a few tips.

  • Take inventory of your thoughts. What’s on your mind when you’re upset? What habitual negative thoughts are entering your mind regularly? Make a list of those thoughts so that you can face them head on and deal with one by one.
  • Now question each negative thought. Is this thought coming from God or is it from the enemy. Does it make me feel blessed or burdened? Did it cause me to speak life or death? Did my words help [someone else] or did they hurt?
  •  Replace the thoughts. What is a positive alternative to this thought? What does God say about it?

Critical thinking is key. By doing the things above, you will begin to train yourself to think more clearly and ultimately more positively.

Buy many of you wanted to know more about the influences, both internal and external, that can lead to negative self-talk.

Here are what I think are the four major causes: past experiences, negative emotions, talking too much, and distractions from the enemy.


Yes. You have to let go. It's hard, but necessary.

Meditating On a Hurtful Past

"But forget all that--it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.” Isaiah 43:14

When negative memories from our past of people or events are allowed to linger they affect our actions, our attitude and our communication.

I know a young mother who was verbally abused as a child. Her mother called her everything from a whore to a female dog.

That young lady is now a mother herself. And she calls her own pre-school daughter those same names.

So often women who are mistreated in their past carry baggage from that relationship into their future.

I know another woman, a bit older, who after her divorce, swore off men completely for several years.

Whenever the subject of men came up, she’d say things like, all men are the same, good men are hard to find. 

She let the pain of her past haunt her future. It wasn’t until she realized the resentment was hurting her, that she stopped speaking negatively about men and subsequently found a wonderful God-fearing husband.

Scientific research shows that words have a vibration or frequency that gives off either positive (higher vibrations) or negative (lower vibrations) energy.

The Law of Vibration holds that everything vibrates and is energy. When we use a particular word we released its energy into the atmosphere.

So when you think and speak words of love, peace, and joy, you are transmitting high or positive energy. But when you speak or think negatively you transmit a low energy.

Is it a coincidence that scripture tells us, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."?

I don’t think so. God wants us to give off good vibes. He wants us to live on a higher level that transcends negativity.

A past colleague of mine grew up in the projects. She often reminisced about the days of eating mayonnaise sandwiches and sleeping on the floor because her parents couldn’t afford furniture.

As an adult she wasn’t wealthy, but she had a nicely furnished apartment and a modest income. Still her past haunted her.

Though she had more, she still talked about not having enough and barely making ends meet. I told her what I’m telling you.

Stop reliving the poverty of your past. Instead try starting each day with prayer of thanksgiving. Here’s an example of a thankful prayer:

"Father I thank you for all that you’ve blessed me with. And by faith I know that I am abundantly supplied and every need in my life is met In Jesus name."

I implore you woman of God. If it seems like your entire life, you’ve been going round and round on the same negative Farris wheel, it’s possible because you’re being dragged down by negative thoughts of your past. Let it go.

Cut the ties. Don’t speak of it anymore. Accept that it happened, but know that it doesn’t define you. Forget the former things.

God wants to do something better for you in your future, but He needs your cooperation.

Don’t be like Lot’s wife. The angels instructed her family to leave Sodom and not look back. But she couldn’t help herself.

She had to turn around and see what she’d left behind. Even though there was nothing positive in Sodom for her to hold on to.

Because she couldn’t move forward without turning back, she was destroyed. What you’ve left behind is not worth what is waiting for you ahead.

Be grateful that you made it through and get excited about where you’re headed. Declare your happy ending with your lips and trust that God is faithful to accomplish His word.


Learning to Control Negative Emotions and Feel Happy

Not Controlling Negative Emotions

Feelings, nothing more than feelings…That part of your soul that can bring you great joy or cause you to experience much pain- your emotions. 

Your feelings like your emotions are just that-yours! They belong to you. You control them. You’re responsible for them- not the rude clerk at the mall, the unruly kid that tramples your garden or the in-laws that behave more like out-laws.

It’s all you. It’s all me. We have to own our behavior. It’s not about what they do to us; it’s about how we respond to what has been done.

And when we respond with fury or rage we are out of God’s perfect will. If we know we have a tendency to get out of control we need to acknowledge it and deal with it head on.

Even if there is some chemical imbalance or medical issue that is causing negative emotions to be out of control, that’s no excuse, we still have a responsibility to deal with it.

Negative emotions will fill your head with angry, vindictive, and sometimes violent thoughts that will only lead to you saying and or doing horrible things to yourself and the people around you.

If there’s one statement that makes my skin crawl, it’s “You must be on your period.” How rude!

I think those types of comments are demeaning and ugly. But, women of God, let’s be honest with ourselves. Sometimes we do become overly sensitive and hyper emotional around that time of the month.

I know I do. And so do a lot of other women. As a matter of fact some women suffer from a severe disorder called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).

I empathize because when I was younger I suffered terribly. But by the grace of God, all is well. Thank you Jesus.

Aside from surgery, there’s no way around Mother Nature. But again, we have a responsibility to harness our wildly bucking emotions-even though its being caused by something out of our control.

No medical condition gives us the right to walk around with an attitude as big as Texas. Nor does it give us a license to "speak our mind".

We have a responsibility to walk in love at all times. Even on days when you feel like icky and not particularly loving or lovable.


Take confident action to speak kindly to yourself and others.

An Uncontrolled Tongue

"Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3

Do you have a friend that you consider a Chatty Kathy? Or maybe secretly you feel that you yourself are a bit loquacious at times?

Researchers have claimed on average women speak 20,000 words a day and men just 7,000.

I don’t know if that’s accurate, but ladies, because we have a tendency to verbally express ourselves more than men anyway, it’s paramount that we are careful about what we say and how we say it.

After all it was murmuring, complaining, and unbelief that caused the Israelites to wander in the wilderness for 40 years! (Numbers14:30-35)

What thing are you constantly murmuring about that’s causing you to wander aimlessly in circles?

What are you complaining about that’s holding you back from the manifestation of God’s promises in your life?

"If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all." Sometimes we just need to seal our lips.

Our mouths can hold us back from promotions, end relationships; start fights; and get us into plenty of trouble.

In the first book, Deliver Me From Negative Self Talk, I explain how negative self-talk is conceived in the mind and then birthed through our speech.

Words can scar a child, wound a spouse, and kill a partnership. Don’t let that happen.

We read in Proverbs 29:11 the following warning, "A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise [man] keepeth it in till afterwards." 

If the bible says it’s foolish to speak our minds then why does society advocate it? Because that is how society operates.

That’s the world’s way of handling problems. We have to remember that we are in this world but not of this world.

Our bodies live on earth but we are spirits, citizens of heaven. (Romans 12:2)- "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

It’s foolish to just speak your mind because your words have power to create and to destroy (Proverbs 18:21), hurt or heal.

Ladies this power that we have to speak life is real. And we have tremendous opportunity to call blessings and favor into every situation that we are involved in. 

What Godly woman in her right mind would speak doom and death over herself, her family, her relationship, career, or her health?

I know that is not what you intend to do. It is not what you want to do. It’s time for a change. Embrace fully the power of your words and the responsibility that comes with that power.

Let’s Pray: Father in Heaven right now, I ask that you would set a guard over my mouth. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight. Fill me with the compassion of Jesus for all those I come in contact with. I thank you Lord that my heart and mind belong to you and that I use my words to speak, healing, and blessings, today and every day. In Jesus name, Amen.


How to get rid of the distractions within and without.

Distractions, Distractions, Distractions

Negative self-talk over takes us when we become so distracted by problems that we take our eyes off the promise.

Sometimes even those of us who have strong relationships with Christ find ourselves losing focus and becoming distracted.

Peter had a desire in his heart to walk on water. And he actually did, but somewhere between the first step and the second he began to doubt.

He was thinking about what he, as a human, couldn’t do.

Ladies, when we take our focus off the power of God and begin to consider our own limited strength, we will get distracted.

We will take our eyes off of the Father. Look again at what happened to Peter. He stepped out of the boat and after a few steps, he began focusing on his surroundings.

The wheels in his mind started turning and his inner voice must have taken over. Can you imagine his negative self-talk? 

You can’t walk on water. You’re going to drown. Its dark you don’t even know what’s out there!

How often do we do just what Peter did? Take our eyes off the mighty power of Jesus within us and start focusing on other things around us and allow ourselves to be overcome with fear: I can’t make ends meet. I’m overweight.

I’m a single mom. I’m not pretty enough. I didn’t go to college. My marriage is failing. My kids are rebellious. My business is failing.

What if I die? Like Peter when we’re distracted, we begin to sink.

Sisters- sinking is a state of mind. It’s caused by focusing on all of the wrong things. Fix your eyes on the Lord. He knows the plans He has for you.

Plans to prosper us and not harm us-plans to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

If things are so bad that you’re just too afraid to look, close the eyes of your soul and open the eyes of your Spirit. We walk by faith not by sight.

Don’t let what’s happening around you cause you to lose focus. It’s all just a ploy of the enemy to distract you.

Lift up your eyes and look unto the hills from whence cometh your help. All of your help comes from the Lord. (Psalm 121:1) Declare it and believe it.


Encouraging words for a single woman-Questions for Discussion or Reflection

  1. How do you define negative self-talk?
  2. What factors play the greatest role in causing negative self-talk for you?
  3. How important is positive self-talk to the body of Christ?
  4. Why is it important to question negative thoughts?
  5. What distracts you most in your daily Christian walk?
  6. How do you overcome distractions?
  7. Have you ever taken your eyes of God’s promises and start sinking? How did you recover?
  8. What kind of damage can be caused by an uncontrolled tongue?

Continue to part 2, Knowing Your Value as a Woman.

*Note: This content was taken from the first chapter of the ebook, Lord Deliver Me From Negative Self Talk 2: Woman Unleash Your Power visit this link to check out the reviews and comments: encouraging words for a single woman (Amazon.com link).


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